Number 9 - Death is the number one killer in the world.

Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eye, make him a sandwich.

Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they wont bother you for days, weeks, months, maybe years. Teach them to play golf and you may never see them again.

Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 - In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird , and they take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.